Comments (10)

By Phil, June 22, 2010 4:10 pm

Raising the bar

I sometimes think that we live life like a high-jump competition.

We take on new things and have a good go at clearing the bar.  Every time we succeed, we raise the bar a little higher.  Eventually we’ll raise the bar so high that we can’t clear it any more.

Then we feel gutted.  Beaten.  Defeated.

All those clearances we made before feel like wasted effort – in the end we were a big loser!  All our focus goes on the failure.

This approach relies on some rigid rules about how to be successful in life that are hard-wired into our brains.

The Rules

Rule 1 – Strive to be perfect

We must always push us to keep striving to be higher, faster, stronger.  We strive for perfection, to be better every time.

Rule 2 – Never, ever stop

Like the high-jumper, when we achieve our goals, we barely stop to celebrate.  We have to go and get focused for the next jump.  The next task.  The next hurdle to negotiate.

Rule 3 – Failure is not an option

When we fail, we feel crushed, fixate on our failure.  It feels like the end of the world.

How did this happen?

Evolve or die

I guess we have to thank our ancient ancestors for these rules.

Back then it was survival of the fittest – evolve or die.

You had to keep raising the bar – inventing a better spear, learning how to make fire, how to be a great hunter.

Stopping was not an option – life was urgent and primal.

Failure was the end of the world – literally

I’m still thankful that we have strong survival instincts. Yet in our modern world, I reckon it might be time to break these rules apart.

To live a remarkable, high quality life requires a more flexible approach to life than our primal ancestors took.  We need to break all the rules.

Breaking the rules

Stop pushing so hard

Striving to be perfect is such a heavy burden to carry.  We can always find someone richer, smarter, more charismatic to compare ourself against.

Perfection is just an imaginary concept to compete against – it lacks any kind of definition.  It’s like trying to find the end of the rainbow.

Instead of striving for perfection, how about aspiring to do the best you can?  Frankly you won’t always succeed, however hard you try.  Welcome to human!

If you try to do the best you can, enjoy each experience as much as possible and accept the outcome it is hard to ask for more.

Sometimes that means that you’ll lower the high jump bar rather than raising it, and be happier for it.

Give yourself a break

Never stopping is exhausting.

In the modern world, we have the luxury of being able to stop and reflect.  To smell the roses.  To day-dream, relax, look after ourselves and recharge our batteries.  We have the space to prepare for the next great challenge or project.

For most people life flows in peaks and troughs of energy and activity.  Your body and minds will tell you when it is time to go for it and when to slow down and take a break.  If you don’t listen you’ll be cruising for a break down.

So when you clear a jump, take a while to enjoy it.  Perhaps rather than resetting the bar, find a deck chair and take a nap.

Enjoy failure

“If you’re not failing 90% of the time, you’re not trying hard enough”.

The current world high-jump record is held by Javier Sotomayor of Cuba at 2m 45cm.  Check out his jump.

Sotomayor didn’t just wake up one morning, hop out of bed and successfully jump over 8ft.  Sotomayor’s record is the result of a lifetime of failure.

Javier has inevitably failed many more than he has ever succeeded.  All the hours of training involved failing to clear the bar thousands of times.  He has learned to reflect on and learn from his failures to figure out new approaches to clear the next height.

If he had taken his first failure at the age of 5 as an utter disaster and given up, his personal best would probably be about 40cm.

If you can learn to enjoy failure, to reflect on it, to see the good things that happened as part of the failure, two things happen.

First, life becomes a pleasure all the time, not just when you succeed.

Second, you’ll learn more quickly and find success more easily in the long run

Sometimes in the high jump you’ll fail.  If you can enjoy that failure and learn from it, you’ve succeeded in breaking the rules.

Over to you

• What rules do you follow in life?
• Where did they come from?
• What would happen if you broke all the rules?

Photo credit: Selective Focus Photography,  Lord Jim (Flickr Creative Commons)

Comments (9)

By Phil, June 18, 2010 10:21 am

Looking for something a bit different this weekend?  Need a break from the football?   Here are 5 inspiring ways to spice up your weekend…

(And if you want to make my weekend, please join the Less Ordinary Living mailing list to get all the latest juice)

1) Find inspiration – Sharing Life Skills Magazine

This is a brilliant concept – a collection of great writing by some of the best bloggers out there.  Covering personal development, health, psychology and success, it is a fabulous read – something to chew on and digest.  Put together by Jonathan Wells of Advanced Life Skills – this is a project I’m proud to be part of.  Take a read and see what happens!

2) The Eight Irresistible Principles of Fun

Brilliant animation from the folks at Box of Crayons about how to enjoy life – Stop hiding who you really are, Stop following the Rules, Stop Taking  Yourself So Seriously.  Pick any of these and it’ll bring more fun into your weekend.

3) Get reading – 5 Great Books

Five brilliant books to get stuck into this weekend (the first 2 are compelling fiction, the last 3 will make your life better):

1. The Wind-up Bird Chronicle – Haruki Murakami – surreal, compelling mystery from Japan’s master storyteller

2. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon – a touching, funny and wise story about a boy with Asperger syndrome

3. Happiness – Mattieu Ricard – Wise and human overview of happiness by a buddhist monk

4. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen R. Covey – a personal development classic – still compelling today

5. The Art of Possiblity – Rosamund and Benjamin Zander – funny and smart guide to practices that can make life and the world better

4) Learn to Mediate with Headspace

Relax this weekend...

A meditation site without the mumbo-jumbo or mysticism. These guys offer practical and clear guidance on how to start a meditation practice.  Highly recommended for anyone looking to reduce stress, find more peace in life and feel happier.  Try the Take 10 Program and let me know what happens.

5) Do Something Worthwhile with LeapAnywhere

A great way to have more fun and do more good?  Leap Anywhere is a great site which has a wide range of exciting opportunities to volunteer across the UK. Search their database for an event near you, get involved, have fun and maybe even make some new friends.

Enjoy the weekend,

Phil

Photo Credit: Pink Sherbert (Flickr Creative Commons)

Comments (14)

By Phil, June 15, 2010 11:19 am

To get regular updates on motivation and career success, click here join our mailing list.

Are you a black-belt motivational master?  Do you effortlessly achieve your goals (whilst wearing a cool uniform)?

If not don’t panic – help is at hand to boost your motivational mastery – read on.

Author Dan Pink offered some surprising insights into what really motivates us at a recent talk give to the RSA:

Clearly, the carrot of money simply isn’t enough to get most people motivated.  In fact psychological tests show that money can impair our ability to be successful.

So, if money isn’t the key to personal motivation, what is?

Pink identifies three factors that really do seem to get people fired up and creative- autonomy, mastery and purpose.

He shows how these factors motivate people in organizations to take ownership of their work, fully engage with a problem, and strive for success.

The great news is that these concepts can also help to develop your motivational skills.  Understanding these areas will put  you on the path to being a black belt motivational master.

Autonomy

Dance to your own tune

Autonomy is about being in control of yourself and being able to set your own path.  It means you’re not beholden to others for direction and validation.

When you take responsibility for your actions and the outcomes, you create the freedom to be successful.

Learning to operate this way creates a rock solid platform for life.  It creates the foundation to express yourself, be creative, explore and grow.

Autonomy shifts the focus of motivation.  Rather than looking to others for recognition, you find it inside – you dance to your own drum.

Take an autonomous moment to yourself

One way to cultivate this is to have an autonomous moment.  Take the spirit of the video and give yourself 15 minutes every day to work on something just for you- whatever that may be.  It may be fostering a hobby (I am on a gardening kick at the moment), exploring your next career step or some creative self-expression.

For this project, find a space where you can’t be distracted.  Be yourself and do it purely for you.  Take responsibility for doing this to the best of your ability and be responsible only to yourself.  Enjoy the time and see what amazing things you can achieve.

As you act autonomously you’ll find your confidence and creativity start to grow and your motivation sky-rocketing.  A black-belt motivational master takes responsibility for their actions.

Purpose

A clear sense of purpose drives people to do remarkable things.  Steve Jobs has a vision to “put a dint in the universe” and this has driven him to build up Apple over 30 years to its current position.

Finding your sense of mission and direction provides the context for everything you do.  It creates a guiding star to inspire and guide your actions.  It is dynamite for motivation.

Finding your purpose

Finding an overarching vision typically takes self-reflection and commitment to find that spark inside yourself.  Here are two approaches to help you find your purpose:

Stephen Covey provides this tool to write your personal mission statement – a great first step to finding your purpose.

Read more about the amazing work of Viktor Frankl and use the questions to find a sense of inner purpose.

To find more motivation, start introducing your purpose into your daily decision making.  A black-belt motivational master knows the deeper purpose behind every decision they make.

Mastery

Are you a motivational master?

As humans, we have an urge to get better at things.  Being an expert is great because others acknowledge your skills and you satisfy your inner craving for growth.

As Dan Pink notes, this is the drive behind the open source movement where well paid professionals contribute their time for free to these projects.  Developing their skills and expertise is the carrot that drives them to get involved.

People who devote themselves to mastery tend to be focused, motivated and successful.  What’s more they also tend to have more fun, as they are doing something they find fascinating.

Developing mastery takes time and practice.  The widely touted statistics suggests that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert.

Yet if you’re doing something that you find stimulating and absorbing that could be the best 10,000 hours you ever spend.

Three steps to Mastery

1. Start with the end in mind – Figure out what your area of fascination and interest is and what mastery would look like for you.  This may be closely related to your purpose.

2. Create the master plan – work out the key steps to get there – Who should you be talking to?  What do you need to learn?  What experience do you need to get?  How can you teach this?  How do you communicate and share your mastery?

3. Practice, Practice, Practice. Get to work and put in the hours. Nothing beats practice.

Striving for mastery this way means that you can enjoy the journey as much as the destination and that is the key to finding endless motivation.

When you develop autonomy, purpose and mastery, you’ll find yourself on the path to outstanding work and a remarkable life.

Over to You

• What motivates you?
• How important is it for you to feel autonomous and in control?
• What is your purpose and vision in life?
• What are you striving to master and how are you going about it?

Please leave a comment and share.

Picture credit - D Sharon Pruitt, Gypsy4 (Flickr Creative Commons)

Comments (8)

By Phil, June 10, 2010 11:48 am

To be updated on the latest news on thriving at work, click here to join our mailing list.

Is work working for you?

Your work has a huge impact on your quality of life and personal happiness.  Answering the 14 questions below will help you reflect your work and where you are in your career journey, and what to do next.

Please rate each statement according to your level of agreement (1 = never agree, 5 = always agree)

1. The work I do reflects my most important values.

2. I really look forward to Monday mornings.

3. I have lots of upward mobility in my current role.

4. My job is helping me to develop the skills I need for career growth.

5. I’d be delighted to be working in the same role and company in 5 years time.

6. I never complain about my work to other people.

7. I can balance work success with achieving significant personal goals.

8. My job lets me use my personal strengths.

9. My career is exciting and energizing.

10. I am recognized and rewarded for the work that I do.

11. I love the culture that I work in and it allows me to thrive.

12. I have a clear vision for career success and am actively working to achieve my goals.

13. I have the right career support (mentors, advisors, network) in place to allow me to thrive.

14. I feel like my work makes a significant difference to the world.

How is well is work working for you?

Now add up your ratings for each question.  If you scored:

0 – 35: This probably isn’t news to you, but your work just isn’t working. Don’t despair.  Now is a good time to revitalize your career journey.  A good place to start is to go back to basics and do some career planning.  It’s hard to be successful without having a clear definition of success.

If you’re feeling stuck in a rut, look for support to help get you out.  Remember, every great career journey starts with a single step.  Take a look at this article on Finding Work that Matters to get started.

35 – 55: Your work is ticking some boxes and there are other areas that need a tune-up. You may be able to address some of the challenges by shaking up your current role, or making a change in your current organization.  However, it may take a more radical career shift to address some issues.

Take a look at where you are not scoring well and create a plan of attack to revitalize these areas.  Our guide to Thriving at Work in the 21st Century is a great place to start.

55 – 70: Congratulations, your work is providing you with a lot of satisfaction and success. Take a look at the questions where you scored less well and think about how to polish the halo.  Here are some ideas for setting a clear vision and goals to keep your career journey moving forward.

Please share this with your friends and network, and if you’d like to stay up to stay up to date on the latest thinking about thriving at work, click here to join our mailing list.

Photo credit: Arenamontanus (Flickr Creative Commons)

Comments (15)

By Phil, June 7, 2010 4:08 pm

To join our mailing list about living a remarkable life, click here.

Has someone ever really let you down?  Made a solemn promise and broken it?

Broken promises?

How did it feel?  Pretty horrible I suspect…

What about the other way around?  Have you ever broken a promise to someone else?

We typically try with all our might to stick to our word, to follow through, to do as we say we will.

Promises are serious and there are strong feelings when they are made and broken.

We place a lot of value on being honest and having personal integrity.

What about a different question – “have you ever broken a promise to yourself and let yourself down?”

I know I have, more often than I’d care to remember. I can’t count how many times I was ready to change “tomorrow”. Somehow it seems much easier to duck out on these personal promises.

The kind of promises we make include:

• “I promise to take better care of myself- I’ll get back into exercising tomorrow”
• “I promise to spend more time with my loved ones”
• “I promise to have a better balance and stop working so much”
• “I promise to start being smarter with my money after the next pay day”
• “I promise I’ll start my new job search next week”

More often than not, we don’t live up to these personal commitments – we screw ourself over.

Learning to look yourself in the eye

If you had a friend who constantly made promises and let you down, what would you think of them? What value would you place on their promises to change? How long would you tolerate their behaviour?

Sometimes we treat ourselves much worse than we treat others.

When you break promises to yourself, you send yourself a powerful message that  you are not important.  You also go against your values around being honest and acting with integrity.

It gets really hard to look yourself in the eye if you keep bombing out on commitments to yourself.

The good news is that learning to keep promises to yourself has huge value for boosting self-confidence, productivity and happiness.

Learning to be accountable means you start to trust yourself. Each and every commitment you keep to yourself builds your self-esteem and faith in your ability to deliver. You learn to consistently do what you say you will.

Developing this sense of integrity will start to radiate into your relationships with the wider world. When you trust yourself, others will trust you more. You’ll find it easier to be honest with the world and call things as you see them.

Finally, you’ll be more productive and focused as you follow through on your most important commitments.

Over to you – Making and keeping promises

If you’d like to start keeping promises to yourself, start today. I started out making one promise per day and sticking to it about a month ago. Some key lessons I’ve learned are:

1. Make promises you can keep – be realistic in your daily commitment
2. Make it your number 1 priority – don’t let anything get in the way
3. Be specific – make your promise clear – I will go for a 30 minute run today
4. Write down your promise – keep it somewhere visible at home and at work
5. Chart your success – keep track of your daily success on a star chart somewhere you see regularly
6. Reward success – how will you celebrate keeping a week of promises?

I’ve found a huge boost in my personal well-being, confidence and happiness comes from keeping personal promises – I hope you’ll find the same.

Please leave a comment and share how you keep promises to yourself.

Brilliant Ideas

Ralph J-P at Potential2Success on how to keep promises to yourself

Steven Covey on keeping promises and New Year’s Resolutions

Photo credit : Photos8.com (Flickr Creative Commons)