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Two weeks ago, I went through a patch of feeling pretty frustrated and disheartened.  I was pushing and striving with all my might to achieve my personal and professional goals, and maybe not seeing the rewards I felt were deserved.  How could it be that I was running at 100 miles per hour, doing so much and yet apparently getting so little back?

On reflection, I realised two things.  First, it was time to put away the smallest violin in the world and lighten up.  Second, in racing so quickly I was unable to appreciate the progress I was making.  I realised it was time to slow down my thinking and look at bigger picture of my life.  By good fortune, I had a week vacation planned in Tuscany and I’ve just got back from this.  I was able to slow down, disconnect and get the perspective I needed.

On our break, we were in the middle of nowhere with no television, internet or telephone.  We didn’t race around or try to do too much.  A few days in, time seemed to slow down and the world started to feel less pressured.  I was able to look at life from a fresh perspective and focus on thinking big about the future without the chaos of the now. The feelings and judgments that had been playing on my mind evaporated.

I took my journal on holiday and one thing I did was look at my goal setting from 2007 for the next few years.  I had been too busy to open the book at home, yet on review I realised that I’d actually achieved almost every big hairy audacious goal I’d set two years ago.  Although in the heat of the moment I felt like I was going nowhere, when I slowed down I saw my journey in a fresh light.  I was encouraged to think big and set my vision for the next five to ten years of life.   I took my time, reflected, dreamed and have sketched our some pretty exciting challenges for myself.

Obviously, I am now back in the “real world” and the challenge for me is how to stay in this slowed-down mode and ensure that I keep my perspective.  I’m convinced that avoiding getting sucked into the daily maelstrom of life will help me stay focused and move faster toward the next horizon.  It will also help me to meet the inevitable set backs and bumps in the road with the right attitude.

Here are some of my ideas for how I will “Slow Down to Speed Up”:

• Understand and use my natural energy cycles – science has shown that we all have a natural cycle and rhythm for our energy during each day.  Some of us are larks and are highly energised in the mornings, others are nightowls and get most energetic in the evening.  I took the time to map out my typical rhythm on a graph, plotting energy against the passing hours.  I intend to use my early morning when I am at low energy levels to slow down and not force things.  Currently I slam down a coffee and try and make myself work however not much really gets done.  Instead, I’ll try to read, exercise and do some breathing exercises during this time.  It’s a chance for me to slow down, reflect without losing out on my most productive time each day.
• Breathing and self-reflection exercises – I try to stop for between 5 and 15 minutes every day to practice breathing exercises.  I find that this time helps me to feel more energised, have a better perspective on life and control my emotions.  Some times, I simply follow my breath, sometimes I reflect on how grateful I am for my life and the world around me.  It stops me taking myself so seriously and helps me to slow down.  For me, each 5 minutes is the closest thing to a mini-holiday.
• Regular check-ins – One key observation from my holiday was that it was great to be able to share my reflections and planning with my wife.  Having someone to remind you of your progress, laugh about your failures, and hold you accountable for the future brings a great perspective on life.  We’re planning to set aside a regular time each week to slow down and check in.

I’m sure that by slowing down, I’ll actually be able to move forward more quickly than ever.  The practices I’m putting in place will help me to be more focused both on external achievement and also more self-aware.  Take time to think about how you can slow down and please share your comments with the Less Ordinary readers.

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Laura’s Story

Laura is a bright, energetic, driven corporate leader who’s worked her way up the ladder.  She has invested 16 years into her career and is recognized as a subject matter expertise in her field.  But something is missing and she’s burnt out.  We began our work together by exploring a career path that would put her skills to use in a consulting capacity.  It seemed like the logical thing to do and she was taking every step she was supposed to in order to generate leads and opportunities.  In our last meeting however, she was still feeling stressed out and uneasy.  So we took the opportunity to explore how she was feeling and get behind what they might be revealing to her.  We explored what felt off, what felt right.  We explored when in her work she felt stressed and when she felt strong and confident.  Something began to shift in Laura.  The tension began to break and you could see her sinking into her emotions.  Over the following two weeks, Laura took time to wallow in those feelings and continue to look for the messages they might be sending her about her next career step.  When I spoke with her yesterday, she was bubbling over with energy.  Her deep reflection revealed a potential career path that she had never considered.  She couldn’t believe she had previously overlooked it as an option.  Her wallowing allowed her to confront and release her built up emotions.  And when she paid attention to the root of her emotions, she was able to see a world of possibilities opening up before her.

The next time you feel a period of wallowing coming on, make the most of it. Pull out your journal and begin to capture all the feelings you’re having.  Take a deep breath and truly allow yourself to experience your emotions.  And ask yourself some reflective questions* about your emotions:

Fear – What is the threat?  Is it real or perceived?  What must I do to move into a position of safety?

Vulnerability – What belief, behavior or perception is being challenged? How might my life change if I accept and adapt to this new insight?

Anger – What must be protected?  What boundary must be restored?

Frustration – What is the block?  What can I do differently?  Who can I ask for ideas or assistance?

Sadness (when you know loss is coming) – What must be released?  What must be rejuvenated?

Grief (when you have no choice about the loss) – What must be mourned?

*Questions are adapted from The Emotional Life of Horses by Linda Kohanov. Copyright 2005 by Epona Equestrian Services. http://www.taoofequus.com/linda_kohanov.html

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In her last line, Ellen somewhat sheepishly asked for permission to wallow in her emotions and it got me thinking. Why can’t we wallow, I wondered?  Are there only downsides or can there be actual benefits to wallowing?  And as a coach, could I encourage it as part of the career change process?  What I discovered was overwhelming and unexpected. Yes! I can definitely get behind wallowing…to a point and with a purpose.

After much thought and reflection on my own career journey and the journey of the hundreds of clients I have worked with, few if any, were without setbacks and periods of sadness, frustration, anger and doubt.  Yet it seems that for many of us, we’re afraid to sit too long with our feelings and emotions.  We’ve come to see wallowing defined as self-pity, being self-absorbed and stagnating.

Well the way I’m looking at wallowing is somewhat different.  Let me explain my line of thought.

wallow [wol-oh] –verb (used without object)

When reading the definition, you can see that wallowing implies being in the moment, allowing yourself the time and space to really take it all in, the good and bad.  And from this perspective, I think wallowing in your emotions can be beneficial.  In our career transitions, as in many other aspects of our work and life, we are very rarely encouraged to slow down and breathe; to regroup and reassess.  As I see it, that’s what wallowing is all about.  Wallowing allows you the opportunity to deeply feel your emotions and listen to the messages they are sending.

This quiet time allows you to really be with your emotions. If we take the time to really let our emotions in, we take a critical step towards being able to release them and move forward with greater ease.  Additionally, we can learn powerful things from the messages they are sending us. Just don’t let yourself get stuck in the emotional mud.

So Ellen, permission is granted!  We all need to do a bit of wallowing in order to be successful.  Roll around in your feelings, revel in them.  Learn all you can from them and use the insight to move you into inspired action.

Stay tuned for tomorrow when we’ll look at some ways to make the most of your wallowing.

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Has this ever happened to you? You had an unfocused, unproductive week at work and you couldn’t understand why!

That’s what happened to me last week. I thought I had everything in place – a 3-year business vision, annual goals, monthly revenue projections, a marketing strategy, monthly goals, daily and weekly action steps, two accountability calls with my business partner Phil…Yet I still couldn’t get out of my own way. I couldn’t manage to sit down and accomplish much. My attention wandered, I was distracted by email, doing laundry and waiting for the next post to pop up on Facebook. I was having trouble sleeping and was exhausted most of the day.

What was up? What kind of coach and role model was I being? I followed all the rules, implemented all the systems for success and still nothing could break me out of my unproductive funk.

Disturbed, I pulled out my journal and began to write down any thought that came into my head. Surprisingly, not many of them were work related.Here’s what came out on the page – I’ve been struggling with the chronic illness of a family member, worried about my husband and concerned how much longer he can endure working at his unfulfilling job while managing a job search in this economy, feeling guilty because I’ve been busy and out of touch with friend and family, worried about money, and frustrated that I haven’t finished my home office renovations yet.

My guess is a few of these ring true for you as well. So many of us push through the daily tasks of our work telling ourselves that we’ll get to our personal lives later, when we’re done with work. Yet work never quite seems to end and later keeps getting pushed off. And if you’re like me, when I don’t take time to focus on my personal life, honor what’s important to me and process my emotions, I feel like I’m on shaky ground, carrying a bag of rocks around with me through dense fog. And boy does it wipe me out trying to work while I’m carrying those rocks through the fog! Whether we’re conscious of it or not, our personal life is with us during our workday. The unresolved issues and unprocessed emotions take space in your brain; they mentally (and physically) wear you out and keep you from doing your best work.

As I’ve moved through my career, I’ve noticed my tolerance for pushing off my personal life has decreased as the impact it has on my professional success increases. I now see self-care as a top priority not only in having a high quality of life but also in my career success. If I don’t have the solid foundation of my personal life, no matter how hard I try, I cannot be fully present and successful in running my business.

So when it hit me last week that life was getting in the way of business, I took swift action. I made time for some self-care, I got in touch with friends and family, I talked to my coach, did some financial planning and finally got my home office together.

The energy shift was amazing! Not only do I feel good about the attention I paid to my personal life but in less than a week’s time, I’ve gotten many tasks off the work to-do list and several doors have opened to exciting and unexpected opportunities.

I am taking away a powerful lesson from this experience; a critical key to career success is making your personal life a priority. Taking time to care for yourself, process your emotions and nourish your relationships not only frees you from carrying that bag of rocks through fog, it also is a vital source of energy to accomplish nothing less than the extraordinary in your business and career!

What’s standing the way of your career success? What needs handling in your personal life? What support do you need to move forward?

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