Comments (3)

By Phil, January 15, 2010 12:19 pm

Reading time: 2 minutes 48 seconds

The next in the series on finding your focus – click here to subscribe and never miss another post.

Oprah Winfrey is one of most focussed people on plant.  From humble origins she has built a one woman media machine.  Over the last 25 years she has logged over 4,000 hours of the Oprah Show, speaking to audiences in over 100 countries.  Her empire includes a magazine, book club and one of the world’s most popular websites.  Oprah is the only person to have appeared on every Time Magazine list of the 100 most influential people in the world every year since its inception.  When Oprah speaks, the world listens.

So how does Oprah stay so focussed.  Here are 4 of her secrets:

1) Be Authentic – Find your Vocation

“The Biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams”

Oprah walks her truth.  Her personal drive comes from the feeling that she was put on earth for a purpose.  We all have a unique set of skills, strengths and abilities and personal values to serve.  Finding a vocation – what you were put on earth to do – creates massive personal focus.  Think about what you were put on earth to do – it needn’t be as grand an ambition as Oprah, Gandhi or Martin Luther King – perhaps it is to be a great parent, to care for others in your community, or to design a new technology to help mankind.  If you can find your purpose, you’ll feel the urge to use every second on earth to achieve this.

2) Work Smarter – be more effective than everyone else

“The Big Secret in life is there is no Big Secret.  Whatever your goal, you can get there if you are willing to work”

Oprah is renowned as one of the hardest working people on the planet – she never stops.  Yet her secret is that she has learned to work effectively – to put her energy and attention into the most important activities and let the less important things go.  Learning to work smarter is a key way to find more personal focus – it will free up energy and help you feel more fulfilled.  Later in this series, I’ll share some key ideas on how to work smarter and be more effective.

3) Never give up – don’t let them drag you down

“We are each responsible for our own lives – no other person is or even can be”

Oprah could have given up before she even started.  What are the odds of a girl born into poverty in rural Mississippi to a teenage mother becoming one of the most influential people on the planet.  Early in her career many media insiders were scathing of her rise, Time Magazine writing “In a field dominated by white males, she is a black female of ample bulk. As interviewers go, she is no match for, say, Phil Donahue.”  Her secret is the ability to live in the moment and to face triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters the same.  Oprah doesn’t’ operate in a rose-tinted wonderland where everything is wonderful.  She takes a realistic, pragmatic approach to success and failure.  She looks for the learning in every success – how to be better next time.   Think about how you can cultivate a realistic determination to achieve your vocation.

4) Help others – Follow a Higher Calling

“What I know for sure is that what you give comes back to you”

Oprah is a woman on a mission.  Everything she does is designed to help other people to make the most of their lives.  By putting the welfare of others above that of herself, she has selected a motivation beyond serving her own ego and needs.  Finding a motivation that goes beyond ourself is powerful way to increase our focus.  When others are depending on our actions, it is harder to find an excuse or wimp out of helping.  To increase your focus, consider the motivation behind your actions and look for opportunities to serve the greater good where possible.

Of course, there is only one Oprah.  Finding your focus is a very personal process, yet we can learn from her example.  One way to this is to try modelling Oprah.  Pick a day, think about the focus needed to achieve what she has and then try being her for the day.  Concentrate on acting authentically, being as effective and focussed on your priorities as possible, being indomitable and genuinely helping others.  What did it feel like to be Oprah for the day?  Please leave a comment and let everyone in the Less Ordinary community know.

Comments (0)

By Phil, November 17, 2009 2:54 pm

Before we start, thanks for reading Less Ordinary Living and I hope you find some inspiration.  I’m Thinking Big to get 1,000 subscribers for Less Ordinary Living (currently 72), please click here and subscribe to never miss a post.  Thanks to every one of you for reading. Enjoy!

Reading time: 3 minutes and 2 seconds

We’re all human and change can be tough.  Its easy for us to get stuck in a rut, or in our comfort zone – and this can lead to our good intentions and Big Thinking dying on the vine.  Nasty things like fear and emotion can sometimes block us from action.

Getting unstuck and out of a rut is challenging.   I always start out by taking baby steps.  For example, looking at my personal vision and goals, my first step is to identify my most urgent goal.  Currently this is getting more involved in my community and building out my network of friends.  My goal in 5 years time is to be a leader of a community organisation, and to be an active member of a two other groups focused on areas of personal interest.  The next question is – what can I do this week to move forward with this?

I’ve learned that to successfully achieve goals like this I need to take two parallel tracks – taking actions in the world around me, and working on what goes on between my two ears in my internal world.  To achieve my goal I came up with the following plan that covers both areas:

1. Actions in the outside world – I’ve already researched community groups that interest me on the internet and identified an organisation called Slow Down London and a local running club.  I’ll commit to calling a representative of Slow Down London to find out more about how I can be involved.  I’ll also commit to going to the running club next week to see how I enjoy it.  Making these real life commitments and keeping them moves me towards my goal and vision.
2. Actions in my inner world – Although I’m a sociable and outgoing person, I have always avoided joining groups and societies.  Something inside me has held me back from this for all of my adult life.  I’ve been meaning to attend this running club for nearly a year now and haven’t done it.  To successfully achieve the goal in a sustainable way, I need to understand more about this and overcome this issue, or the initial actions I take will probably quickly fade away.  I’ll commit to observing the thoughts and emotions that come up this week as I take my first steps.  Perhaps I’ll identify a fear of rejection if I turn up to the running club and no-one talks to me the first time.  I know that I have a tendency to think I can do things better than anyone else (I’m wrong of course), and get frustrated in group situations, so I’ll look out for that feeling.  I’ll record the thoughts, emotions and stories I’m telling myself about groups, and spend time analysing them to see what is working for me and what isn’t.  I’ll come up with different ways to think about clubs and different stories to tell.  If I commit to this and work hard at it, it should make it easier for me to happily commit to clubs and societies in the future.

I know that joining a new group is hard for me and the physical action of doing so will help.  However, unless I can get my head straight, it will never get any easier.  So taking the first step, actually involves taking two steps and each is vital.  At the beginning, I said that making change is hard for us, and this explains why.

So how can you take your first step?  Follow this simple process to design your actions this week:

1)   Identify your most pressing challenge or area that you want to work on (for me, my community)

2)   Identify the specific area for development (for me, involvement in community groups)

3)   Design some specific actions to take that are realistic over the next week.  Remember that great journeys start with a single step, so don’t overdo it

4)   Think about how your thoughts, emotions, fears, beliefs and stories might be impacting your ability to be successful.  Determine to observe these over the next week without judgment and write these things down.  When did you feel fear and what was behind that?  What stories did you tell about yourself (I’m not good with new people) that might stop you in your tracks.  Consider which thoughts might be holding you back and analyse them – is that story, fear or emotion realistic?  How could you think in a different way or tell a different story that would be more helpful in achieving your goals?

This approach was difficult and frustrating when I first tried it, however over time and with practice it has become more instinctive.  If you can stick with it, you’ll find it gets easier to take the actions in the external world as you remove the mental and emotional blocks you’ve built up.  Week by week you’ll start to get unstuck and make steady progress towards living your vision and achieving your goals.

So now you have the three steps that I use to think big and make it happen– creating a vision, setting a 5 year plan, and taking external and internal steps to achieve this.  The world is your oyster, so think big and make the most of your life!

For the rest of this year, Less Ordinary Living will focus on making the most of 2010, so please subscribe to make sure you don’t miss a post!

Comments (0)

By Phil, October 13, 2009 10:41 am

Reading time: 1 minute 54 seconds

Part of Thinking Big is letting the world see you at your best.  I spent the first ten years of my career as a forensic accountant.  Anyone who knows me would tell you that I’m not naturally mathematical and I really dislike details.  A lot of that decade felt like a struggle to try and fit my square peg into a round hole.  Eventually I realised that there must be an easier way.

I stepped back and reflected on what came naturally to me.  I’ve always been a people person and felt a natural empathy and desire to help others be successful.  Another theme I unearthed was the ability to quickly see the big picture and design a strategic solution.  I started to focus my day-to-day work on managing teams and taking a strategic oversight role on projects.  I was playing much more to my strengths and suddenly people started to see my true potential.  I had found a square hole for my square peg.

Finding and using our strengths makes Thinking Big and Acting Big easier.  When our goals and objectives are based on using our innate abilities they become easier to create and easier to achieve.  So how can you identify your strengths?

The Gallup Organistaion have spent over 30 years studying people’s natural strengths.  They have developed the philosophy that people are at their most successful when they play to their inherent strengths.  The Gallup book Strengthfinder 2.0 by Tom Rath contains a test to help identify a person’s natural strengths and use them and this is a highly recommended. Taking the Strengthfinder test will help to get you thinking about how you are naturally unique in your combination of skills.

Another way to identify your inherent strengths is to take the VIA Survey of Character Strengths.  This test was developed by leading psychologist Martin Seligman and provides you with a list of your strengths from 24 categories.

These tests provide a snapshot of how you operate at your best.  As you start to Think Big about your future, you can consider whether your plans will allow you to really shine.  Of course it is natural to also include development of other skills in your plan, however starting from a basis of strength is a solid foundation for personal success.  As Strengthfinder 2.0 argues, “When we’re able to put most of our energy into developing our natural talents, extraordinary room for growth exits”.

Thanks for reading and if you enjoyed this article, please share it with others using the links below, make a comment using the link above and subscribe using the links to the right.

Think Big!

Phil

Comments (0)

By Phil, October 9, 2009 11:15 am

Reading Time: 1 minute 4 seconds

I’ve found myself talking a lot about Thinking Big recently.  One metaphor that keeps coming up for me is the Story of the Orchard.  In the past I’ve thought big, but never acted big – I’ve lacked the confidence to believe in my vision.  It is natural to have doubts over a grand vision and there are always people on hand to knock your ideas and run you down.  Finding the self-confidence, dedication and patience to stick with the plan is a real challenge.

This story is about a farmer who had a run down field at the back of her house.  The farmer told her friend that one day that field would grow the best fruit in the county.  He laughed at her, “Ridiculous, that land is a disaster and it always has been – totally infertile and covered in weeds.  What a waste of time!”

Through the heat of the summer, the farmer toiled in the sun to pull out the thick-set weeds.  Sometimes she just wanted to pack it in and hide in the farmhouse.  When the land was cleared, she had to pick out the huge rocks and stones in the soil one by one.  It was backbreaking and her friend came by to remind her that she was wasting her time, every day.  She ploughed and fertilised the land, breaking several plough blades on hidden rocks along the way.  The thought crossed her mind “I am ridiculous” but she pictured the golden apples and strove on.

The farmer invested a good portion of her savings in the best seeds and cuttings she could afford and planted them.  She tended the young plants diligently.  The first year, there was a severe frost and most of the young plants were killed, however a few survived and that summer she got some beautiful strawberries.  She decided to give it one more go and follow her dream.  As the years went by, the sun and rain helped  the plants become mighty trees.  Before too long, the trees were groaning with sweet luscious fruit – much more than the farmer could ever use.  She shared the fruit with the whole county and particularly her friend who had mocked her on every occasion.  Before long, everyone was taking cuttings and seeds to grow their own fruit and no-one could contemplate not having an orchard.

This story shows that when you think big, everything is possible.  The key is to believe enough in your thoughts and overcome those around who think you are crazy.  Having a clear vision and plan is important.  Even more important is being patient and grateful and seeing potential challenges as part of the overall success.  In the end thinking big can yield fruit for you, those around you and even change the world that you live in.

So keep on exploring how you can think big, and also act big.  Also if you enjoyed this, please do subscribe by clicking the envelope icon to the right. You’ll get every new post delivered to you and you’ll support me in thinking big to get 1,000 subscribers to Less Ordinary Living.

Comments (0)

By Carly, August 12, 2009 8:54 pm

Reading Time: 2 minutes, 20 seconds

I bounced over to Jaye, the 28-year old dark brown, wise and majestic mare, with curry comb and brush in hand. The instructions from my coach Kathy were simple – I had 10 minutes to groom the horse and notice what I was feeling. I was in good spirits that day at the barn. I’d been working on getting my life in order and the results were showing. How hard could this job be, I thought? But as soon as I started using the comb to release dirt, Jaye turned her head to look at me. What did that mean? Was she uncomfortable? A moment later when she backed away, ever so slightly, I got my answer.

A horse is a powerful mirror.

The smile and hop in my step were quickly disappearing. Jaye and I were both uneasy and agitated. I didn’t like it.  But I kept on going.  And finally as I passed behind her to groom her other side, something happened.  A deep breath entered my lungs without conscious thought.  A release swept over my body and there was a noticeable weakness in my knees.  I laid a hand on her to steady myself as I groomed with the other.  We fell into sync.  We were connected.

I knew instantly in that moment that Jaye had picked up on what was really going on with me before I did.  She saw through my positive exterior and instantly recognized the fear deep inside. Uh, oh. But as I checked in with the feeling, I realized the fear was there, but it wasn’t paralyzing.  It was that excited kind of fear; like when you’re on the brink of an amazing new journey.  Ahh!  So this is what I was meant to learn, huh?  This is what you were trying to make me see!

Jaye reflected my mismatched emotions back to me until I paid attention.  I wanted to hug her.  Her gift was powerful.  I felt warm, appreciative, known, accepted. I felt authentic, empowered, courageous.  I was ready to face my fears.

And then it happened.

I looked up at my coach, flashed a smile loaded with the message, “I am complete with Jaye; is it ok if I’m done?”  She smiled back giving no indication I had permission to stop.  My 10 minutes must not be up yet.  What do I do now?

So I ignored my gut and did what I was “supposed” to.  I moved back to Jaye’s right side and kept on grooming until my 10 minutes were up.  Those last two minutes were excruciating.  We got agitated again.  We lost our connection.  I suddenly felt I was on stage for my audience to critique.  I was doing it wrong.  I let Jaye down. I failed.  Everyone else was better than me.  I ran back to my seat as fast as I could when time was called.

As she debriefed with me, my coach Kathy challenged me, “Where else in your business or life do you stop yourself from acting on your intuition?  How has that held you back?”  Another participant of the workshop threw in another one,  ”Are you trying to be the “good girl” and do it “right” rather than taking authentic action?”

My mind raced through past experience where I ignored my intuition to disastrous results and those where I listened and although it felt risky, all turned out better than expected.

And almost like Jaye was still communicating with me from the barn, an opportunity to listen to my intuition showed up.  I had been in conversation with a colleague about collaborating on a project together.  On the surface, there was so much synergy that it seemed like a no-brainer.   But the more we talked about it, the more drained I got.  The more I felt trapped.

So during our next call, when the topic of how we’d work together came up, I took the chance and opened up.  I had fears.  I had reservations.  It doesn’t feel like the right time for me.  But I didn’t want to close the door to future collaboration.

Turns out the fears and doubts were mutual.  We had a great conversation and things are better than ever between us.  We’re finding other ways to support each other and keeping our eyes open for future opportunities to collaborate.  I think we may have even saved our friendship from potential damage.

Trusting your intuition can be a challenging task even if we know the rewards.

To strengthen your awareness and integrate it into authentic action, try these following steps when faced with your next decision:

1. Check in with your body. Notice any feelings, twinges or stiffness. What message is this trying to tell you?
2. Check in with your emotions. Are you feeling fear, vulnerability, anger, frustration, sadness?  Or happy, confident, empowered, clear, courageous?  What message are these emotions trying to tell you?
3. Take action. Building the muscles around trusting your intuition take practice.  Take a chance.  Act in a way that honors the messages you received from your body and emotions.
4. Reflect. Take time to reflect on how this new authentic action felt for you.  Did things blow up after you took the risk or was your risk rewarded with a pleasant surprise?  How will you integrate what you learned the next time you’re faced with a decision?

Please share your stories with us. We’d love to hear how you’re learning and growing!

PS Remember how I shared that I wanted to hug Jaye for the gift she had given me?  Well even though it felt like a silly request, before I left the barn that day, I shared my desire with Kathy.  She led me straight into Jaye’s stall and I wrapped my arms around her. Thank you, I communicated with my embrace; I’m grateful you were here to teach me.  And turns out it wasn’t so silly a request after all.  One by one, my fellow workshop participants stepped into the stall asking for their chance at a hug.