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By Phil, March 19, 2010 5:12 pm

“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” Franklin P Jones

Big fun!

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Children – our future and our past.  We’ve all been a child, and many of us will also raise one.

As an adult, it’s easy to assume that this grown up, rational state we inhabit now is superior.  Yet, spend any time with children and you remember that kids have a lot to teach us.

1. Have more fun

Spend any time hanging out with a 2 year old and you’ll realist that they like to have fun.

It’s joyful to paint all over the kitchen table, roll around laughing at the funny cow in a can noise thing, climb through a play tunnel for hours, hide behind the door and play peek-a-boo.  In fact it’s a laugh riot.

Somewhere in the Laws of Adult, most of these games become verboten. We have to suppress our emotions, act stiff and try to protect our dignity.  Sure we can laugh at other people, preferably behind their backs.  However, good old fashioned innocent fun and play is banned.

I’ve spent a lot more time playing recently – just throwing out dumb word association games, dancing around singing into a hairbrush, a spot of tickling here and there.  Try it out for yourself – fight back against the fun ban!

2. You are allowed to daydream

Grown ups rarely daydream. The adult world considers them to be naively hilarious and a sign of weakness.  Here is what often happens when an adult shares their burning dream:

Person A: I’ve always dreamt of being a polar explorer and I think I’m going to go after it

Person B: Snigger.  Good luck with that – send my love to the polar bears.  See you back in the cube farm next week.

Dreaming is seen as childish and foolish.  Wasting time going after doing what you really want when you could be getting on with your serious, boring adult life.

Children love to dream.  They use their imagination and create amazing possibilities.

Dreaming is a healthy way of stretching ourselves.  It gives us a roadmap for making the life we want.  Reconnect to what makes you excited.

3. The world is infinitely fascinating

I was probably the world’s most annoying child.  I fired out questions like a machine gun to anyone in range.  “What’s that called?”, “How does that work?”, “Why did that person say that?”, “Where are my Christmas presents hidden?” etc.   Children stare in wild-eyed wonder at the world and want to know all about it.

As adults we are told that we should be very clever and already understand everything. There is a stigma about asking too many questions – we might show our weakness, reveal some ignorance, people might think less of us.  Horrors.

As we stop asking questions and getting stuck on the hamster wheel of life, the world around us can lose its sparkle and appear mundane.  We take the amazing people and things around us for granted.

See what happens when you start to be more interested in the world around you and engage with it.

4. You can express your emotions

When a child is upset, you know about it.  No wait, you KNOW about it. Same when they are happy, joyful, bored, angry, afraid.  Bottling up emotions is simply not an option.  When a child feels something, they tell the world.

The adult world teaches us that suppressing our emotions is important.  We shouldn’t inflict our feelings on others. Better to keep them locked up and spend time brooding over them.  Or suppress our natural joy over something in case we make a fool of ourselves.  Frankly a lot of the time, this leads to unnecessary suffering when simply expressing ourselves would be the better option.

Learning to express our emotions effectively is important.  I’ve really worked on understanding my feelings and being able to put them into words and actions.  Letting them out into the world as they arise has taken a huge amount of weight off me and I feel lighter for it.

5. You should live in the moment

Children are born with very little conception of time.  When you’re young, your only concern is what is happening right now at this very moment.  The past is quickly forgotten, and the future is of no importance.

When children play, they are absolutely absorbed in the game.  Just watch for a minute or two  – eyes wide open, face alert and active, attention unwavering on what is unfolding.  Kids are mini Zen-masters.

We are taught to analyze everything, to pore over the past for what we did wrong, and to constantly be setting out a better future for ourselves.  How often do you really live in the moment as an adult?  Try it and see how different the world looks.

Release your inner child

I know that I learn a huge amount when I let my inner child out to play.and try these things  It keeps me open to learning, joy, curiosity, authenticity.  I get back into living in the moment.

Over to you

How do you connect to you inner child?  What do you learn from doing so?  If you have children, what have they taught you?  What would happen if you spent the day living like a child?

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Further reading

Patty at Why Not Start Now on how to play more

Arvind Devalia on why we should laugh more

Photo credit : Ernst Moeksis on Flickr

Comments (19)

By Phil, March 1, 2010 2:37 pm

Reading Time: 2 minutes 48 seconds

Do what you love?

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I’ve developed a sick fascination with the British TV show Masterchef.   In the show 156 aspiring amateur chefs compete for the title of “Masterchef”.  They cook for two judges, an angry bald man and an equally irate Aussie who critique their food and slowly kill their dreams, one by one.

The Impossible Dream

My fascination is not with the food (although the contestant who cooked a tinned peach and tomato bread pudding was pretty special).  It lies with the contestants.  In reality TV, the head-shot is a vital tool for every director.   This is where we hear the ambition, the motivation, the dream.  Here are a few from the series so far:

“I do know what I want to do in life now, my passion is food.  My dream is to run a restaurant in the Scottish Highlands” Andrew (Property Developer)

“I want my life to be completely about food.  I want to do it full time.” Kirstie (Real Estate Broker)

“I’m very passionate about food – its been a hobby up until know and Masterchef will allow me to move it forward” Peter (Police Officer)

“I love cooking and to do that for a living would be a dream.  Masterchef means everything to me” Kerry (Full-time Mum)

Almost every contestant is hoping to make a living from cooking.  I love their passion for food and their huge dreams.  They put their heart and soul into this competition.  Yet at every turn, these lifelong ambitions are crushed.  Only one can be crowned Masterchef.

That Makes Me Mad

The show makes me angry.  When I hear contestant after contestant laying out their dream for a career in cooking I seethe.  “What’s stopping you?” I scream at the screen.  “Just go and do it”.

9 ways to explore your Passion

There are many ways to start making a living doing what you love.  I don’t think that entering a competition with a 1 in 156 chance of winning and no guarantees of success at the end is the best way.

So how could these contestants go about making a living from their passion?  The answer is one step at a time:

1. Do what you love – a lot. Cook, cook, cook for anyone and everyone.  Practice the skill you want to make a living from as much as possible
2. Develop your skills. Go to cookery school.  Learn the basic techniques and advanced skills.  Hone your style, and practice some more.
3. Join groups that share your passion. Find others who love food and build networks with them.
4. Interview people who already make a living from your passion. Start talking to restaurant owners and chefs.  Learn about the profession from those already in it.  Understand what you are committing to.
5. Get experience. Look for an opportunity to cook in a professional kitchen.  Volunteer to clean dishes for free.  Be a sous chef and chop onions all day.  Get into the lion’s den to see what life is really like.
6. Establish your expertise. Blog about food – share your passion with the world and get a following
7. Take small steps to make money. Write a cookbook and sell it online – find a way to make a small living in a risk free way from food
8. Write a business plan – look at the financial realities of being a cook or owning a restaurant and see how that fits with your other values in life.  Get experts and your network to review the plan.
9. Start increasing your commitment. Set up a street stand to sell food, or take a part-time job in a kitchen

None of these actions are too difficult in themselves, yet combined they will help to live the passion.  Following these steps would allow the contestants to test out if this really is the dream they were looking for, and build the skills and experience to succeed.

If you are ready in making a doing what you love, think about how these steps might work for you.  You can start taking action to explore the possibilities and start making the dream a reality.

What is your passion in life?  What would it mean to make a living from it?  What advice can you share on making this happen?  Please share your thoughts with the LoL Community.  Thank you.

Picture credit : Tracy Hunter (Flickr Creative Commons)

Comments (6)

By Phil, December 16, 2009 6:02 pm

Reading time: 1 minute 34 seconds

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2009 is getting its coat, heading for the door and bidding us a fond farewell.  It’s been an interesting year for the world, seeing some challenging economic times and big questions about the future of our planet.   For me, the end of the year is a time to reflect on what has been, and to think about what could be in the future.

For me, this has been a year of change.  I’ve moved back to the UK from the US, gone from steady employment to setting up a new business, got used to working at home rather than in an office.  There have been challenges – being terrified of having no clients and no income at the start of the year, adjusting to a different lifestyle in a different country, learning to set boundaries and look after myself better.

Yet on reflection it’s been a wonderful journey and there is a lot I’m grateful for.  I’ve worked with some amazing clients who have made major changes in their life.  I’ve managed to volunteer my time advising some inspiring social entrepreneurs.  I’ve set up a blog read by over 7,000 people (so far – thank you!).  I’ve developed some new skills, particularly around managing my emotions and thoughts more effectively.  Most importantly, overcoming some of the challenges has strengthened my bonds with the most important people in my life.  For all this I’m profoundly grateful for the last year.

So before 2009 gets into a cab and waves goodbye, take a minute or two to reflect on your year:

• What did you achieve this year?
• What challenges did you face and how did you overcome them?
• What did you learn this year?
• Most importantly, what are you grateful for (things, people, events) from 2009?

I’d love to hear what you are grateful for from 2009, so please do share a comment.  The next post will focus on making 2010 your Best Year Yet.

Comments (2)

By Phil, September 15, 2009 5:45 pm

Reading time : 1 minute and 14 seconds

Here are 7 sure-fire ways to bring a little happiness into your life right now and beat the autumn gloom.

1) Re-connect with an old friend

Pick up the phone and call a close friend who you haven’t spoken with for a while.  Let them know that you’ve missed them and find out what is going on in their life.  See what you can do to help them along life’s path.

2) Try something new

What has been on your wish list for an eternity?  Pick an activity or subject you’d like to explore and take the first step in making it happen.  Sign up for a yoga course, get a book on Greek cookery from the library and try a recipe, join the local tennis league.  Start something juicy and exciting.

3) Pamper yourself

Taking care of yourself is vital to your happiness.  Set aside some “me” time to do something you really love.  Book a massage, hide out and read a book, buy a new pair of shoes.  Treat yourself – because you’re worth it.

4) Smile more

The simple act of smiling is one of the most powerful ways to get a happiness boost.  Smiling helps us to stick to Rule Number 6 (don’t take yourself too seriously).  Practice a smile right now and try to keep them coming.  If all else fails, stick on your headphones and listen to your favourite tune – have a rock out and put a smile on your face for 5 minutes.

5) Help someone out

Help someone in need without bidding or any expectation of reward.  It might be standing up for someone who needs a seat on the bus, volunteering in a community project, or even just taking the time to listen to someone who needs it.

6) Plan an event

What do you love to do and who do you love to do it with?  Do you need to organise a break with family, friends or your loved one?  Are your favourite band in town next month?  Can you book a trip to the opera with your best friend?  Identify something you’d love to do over the next month or two and organise it now.

7) Set goals for the rest of the year

Now we’re into September there are three months left in the grand old year of 2009.  Take out a business card, turn it over and write down the 2 or 3 most important things you’d like to achieve this year on the back.  Be specific about what you’d like to do.  Carry the card with you in your wallet to remind you of your commitments.

You can complete any of these steps today and none need take more than an hour.  What are you waiting for?

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By Phil, September 9, 2009 6:04 pm

Happiness

In Search of Happiness – Part 1

Reading time : 1 minute and 27 seconds

Here at Less Ordinary Towers, we never shirk from the biggest, hairiest questions.  As we hit September and that back to school feeling kicks in, we’re taking on one of the biggest of them all – what is happiness?  We’ll start the ball rolling by looking at one view from the world of positive psychology and suggesting some reading to back this up.  We’d love to hear from you, our valued reader, on how you find happiness and what it means in your life, so please take a minute to comment.

Happiness is a tricky thing to pin down and has kept philosophers on their toes for millennia.  One theory that has helped my understanding was developed by Professor Tal Ben-Shahar, the positive psychologist at Harvard.  He proposes that the feeling of happiness is really the product of feedback from our emotions.  Emotions help us to assess the way we are leading our lives.  Ben-Shahar believes that happiness is not some ideal state of bliss to aim towards, it is simply how we are feeling at any moment and can change quickly.  So what contributes to how happy we feel?

Ben-Shahar outlines that happiness is composed of two parts:

The first is pleasure.  Pleasure is the immediate short-term joy brought from doing things that make us feel good.  Finding pleasure involves living each day in a way that brings joy and excitement.  Pleasure encourages the carpe diem school of life – you only get one bit of the cherry.  It is about enjoying the journey and finding happiness every day.

The second part of happiness is purpose.  Purpose is the long term planning and actions that bring a feeling of fulfilment in life.  Living with purpose is about creating a vision and goals, doing the hard work, learning, overcoming obstacles and achieving our objectives.  The emotional pay-back of reaching our stated goals, of making a difference in the world and doing something truly meaningful brings us a sense of happiness.

Of course these two components are often difficult to combine.  In the first few months of this year, I found myself overwhelmed by the prospect of building a new business from scratch and focused all my energy into working very hard to develop long-term plans.  I wasn’t making the most of each day or looking after myself well.  In retrospect, I was stressed and unhappy.  Despite being very purposeful and marching up the mountain towards my long-term goals at warp speed, I forgot to stop and enjoy the view.

Ben-Shahar proposes that our level of happiness stems from our ability to create a life that allows both short-term pleasure and long-term purpose.  In the second half of this year, I’ve spent a lot of time identifying what brings me joy and makes me feel healthy in the short term – spending time with family, running, being outside and meditating.  I’ve slowed down and brought more of these things in daily life.  Although hard to maintain, I’ve felt much happier as I’ve found a balance of pleasure and purpose in my life.

Ben-Shahar’s theory of happiness is one of many contributions from the world of positive psychology in the search for happiness.  If you’re interested in reading more, we recommend the following as starting points:

Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar

Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert

http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx – The Website of Martin Seligman with many interactive tests about happiness and fulfillment